Elon suffers another day short of trillionaire status

But stock prices fluctuate, so right now he’s merely a several-hundred-billionaire, according to Bloomberg’s Billionaires Index.

Frankly, it’s embarrassing. How will Musk support his legion of offspring? Can he even afford to keep expanding his already considerable brood, given his outspoken pronatalism? The math is getting complicated.

We wish him the best as he navigates this trying time. And Elon, if you need a good rice and beans recipe, or some tips on how to win big at the thrift store, we can point you in the right direction.