Debbie Beard and Amanda Thorpe lost their husbands - this is their story

Warning: This story contains discussion of suicide and information some readers may find distressing

Two women, united in grief, are meeting for the first time.

Debbie Beard lost her husband just over a year ago. Matt Beard, the former Liverpool Women manager, died in hospital on 20 September 2025. He is believed to have taken his own life, though an inquest is yet to conclude.

Amanda Thorpe’s husband Graham, the former England and Surrey cricketer, took his own life in 2024. He had “spiralled into depression” after losing his job as a batting coach in 2022.

The two women, who had never met before, came together at an event launched by the Prince of Wales and the Royal Foundation to urge sport at every level to make suicide prevention part of its culture through a new nationwide toolkit.

There they spoke to the BBC’s business editor Simon Jack, who was 17 when his father took his own life.

On Your Side is a set of resources available online that aims “to make suicide prevention as much a part of sport as warm-up, training and performance”.

<

Former England international Graham Thorpe took his own life in 2024 after suffering from depression and anxiety [Getty Images]

Amanda Thorpe has said previously she believes her husband would still be alive had he received more support from the England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) after leaving his coaching role. Following the inquest into his death, the ECB said it was “a profound tragedy” and added Thorpe’s passing was a “stark reminder” of the challenges many face with mental health.

Matt Beard died a month after leaving his role as manager of Burnley Women. He had been in the post for only two months. When the inquest into his death was postponed indefinitely, Burnley said they were “aware of an ongoing legal process” and would “not be making any comment at this time”.

Amanda: “Graham had been struggling for the previous year to 18 months during Covid. Graham didn’t really like following rules and there were quite a few in Covid – like playing under bubble conditions. So he had been having some medication and therapy in his job. But then Graham lost his job and he didn’t see it coming.

“He did pride himself with having been in the game his whole life. He just couldn’t believe that he was blindsided by it.

“I think at least two other people were sacked at the same time, which does happen at the end of disastrous Ashes series.

“Also he was probably drinking too much and found the whole of the last trip in Covid very stressful. He then took a playful video at the end of the tour, when they had a few drinks with the opposition. One of the players sent it to two friends and someone unfortunately leaked it, so it was in the Sydney Morning Herald.”

Simon: “Going for a few drinks with the opposition – you would think that that happens in sport all the time, but they lost?”

Amanda: “Yes. It’s OK if you win but you’re not allowed to have a drink if you lose. He was probably in shock. He couldn’t believe it. And he was embarrassed and ashamed about this stupid video, which to me he blew way out of proportion. But he was in this tunnel where he thought he’d messed it all up. So he went into a quick and steep decline.”

Simon: “During that period, what could have been done? You said that he was seeking some help. What might have made a difference, do you think?”

Amanda: “He was having therapy sessions. He had 10 sessions. There’s obviously the confidentiality but I found out after he made a very serious attempt on his life, when he really hurt himself very badly, that he’d mentioned suicide. I didn’t know about that at the time. Of course, I feel that if I’d known, things could have been different. And I did feel that he wasn’t really getting better. It was difficult. I felt like maybe he did need more help – maybe residential but we didn’t really know where to find that.”

Simon: “Debbie, Matt also lost his job…”

Simon: “Were there any signs that he was struggling with mental health, and then was there a steep decline afterwards?”

Debbie: “I think there were changes in behaviour, looking back. Performance-wise the team weren’t doing well so there was a lot of abuse on social media. He could never really speak his truth during media interviews of what was going on behind the scenes and he used to sound off to me at home.

“I’ve found out since that he had spoken to his brother quite a lot about his mental health. But whenever I would say to Matt ‘how are things?’, he’d be, ‘I’m all right, I’m all right’, because he always wanted the best for other people.

“He didn’t want to concern me and the family that he was having these thoughts and that he was going through these different struggles.

“The sacking came out of the blue and there was a lot of speculation around that. He was starting to drink more than he would have done normally. In terms of his behaviour, I would say he was taking a lot of risks as well. So maybe that was the start of this with him.”

Amanda: “Graham was known as a tough competitor. He was a very happy person and loved life, but it can happen to anyone. He wasn’t thinking straight really because everything kind of became a vortex. And he just sort of lost the ability to be able to be grounded and think straight. Also you think you’re thinking straight when you’re not.”

Simon: “One of the things about sport that’s been discussed is that its reach is enormous. Coaches have a very intimate and closely proximate relationship with people. They can see what’s going on with them – even at grassroots level. What would you encourage people to do if they see other people struggling, either in their family or in their community?”

Debbie: “It’s a very difficult conversation. It’s very hard. But if you’re with these people day in, day out, you notice the changes in them. Matt was very intuitive with his players – he could sense things if they weren’t playing right. He might have had a conversation with them just one-to-one, away from everyone else, and then make suggestions. There’s an awful lot of emphasis on the physical side of someone’s wellbeing, but not the mental side. That needs to be explored with people.”

Simon: “It’s a tough conversation to have, isn’t it? Even with your nearest and dearest, let alone with someone on the team. I wonder whether Matt found it difficult when he had to sack players or drop them from the team.

Debbie: “He did. He used to come home and say: ‘I’ve had a hard conversation today with such and such, I’ve had to let them go and there were tears.’ And he’d say: ‘I feel guilty.’ He was the one who had to deliver the news. He felt tremendous guilt about letting people go.”

Simon: “What did Graham’s friends in the game come and say to you afterwards? You must have known them – you would have been part of that community.”

Amanda: “They were really sad and really gutted. When he was really ill he was ashamed and he shut a lot of people out. So it was hard to get through to him. He would say: ‘I’ve lost all my friends.’ And I’m like: ‘You haven’t.’ You know that’s his brain. ‘You haven’t lost your friends at all,’ I’d say. But that’s how he felt. He felt very isolated.”

Simon: “Did Graham have high highs and low lows? I mean, when he scored 100 against Australia or whatever? I just wonder whether he was a person of heightened emotions?”

Amanda: “He always used to say: ‘Don’t get too down about it… it might not be your day.’ And I think if you’re going to be like that, then when there are the highs you don’t go overboard. He’d say it’s his job but it is difficult with people scrutinising what you’re doing and everything.”

<

Debbie Beard with her late husband Matt, former Liverpool Women manager [Getty Images]

Simon: “What is it that you hope comes out of talking to us and what the Royal Foundation is doing?”

Debbie: “I think with the Royal Foundation, it is exposing the issue and people are going to be talking about it. But there needs to be the right support for when people need it – when they ask for that help.

“It’s just making sure that toolkit is followed through and there are people that you can connect with and talk to.

“A connection with a therapist is a difficult one because it’s someone you’re going to be opening a box to. You want to let everything out but you need to trust that therapist. So it’s making sure that there’s a good connection there as well – that you feel comfortable talking about your innermost feelings.”

Simon: “This is pretty raw for you. Why do you think it’s important to talk to the world about this?”

Debbie: “For me and my children, we don’t want another family to go through this. It is pretty raw and it’s not just the grief, it’s the practical side. You’ve lost a second income. I’ve still got to pay the same amount of rent, bills, etc. It is the practicality of it and you’re juggling all the time – making sure the children are OK… still doing the school runs.”

Simon: “You’re obviously sad. Are you’re angry? Determined?”

Amanda: “I’m angry at myself as well – the guilt you have. ‘Why didn’t I say that?’ And you’ve got all these ‘what ifs’. So all of that nonsense. And, yes – angry as well. ‘Couldn’t we just have done something?’ But, you know, we fall. You know I’m his wife and I still didn’t expect that to happen and I ask why he had to go through such a horrible thing. You wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy – and then there’s the family as well – my daughters.

“My youngest went off to uni and then Emma went too. So it was just me and the geriatric dog. So it was quite hard.”

Debbie: “It’s going to be a long road.”

Simon: “But it’s a road you’re both on and I think it’s a road you’ve helped a lot of people with by talking to us.”

Debbie: “We’ve got each other. We’ve met today and we are going to meet again.”

Amanda: “Yes, be a force to be reckoned with! Isn’t that what they say?”

Debbie: “Yeah, so I’ll come down to you, you come up to me. We’re part of this club that we never wanted to be in but we are going to make people listen to what we’ve got to say. We just want to make a change and help people and just highlight it – we never want anyone else to be in this position. We’re going to go great guns aren’t we?”

If you are suffering distress or despair, details of help and support are available at BBC Action Line.

Advertisement